Guilty Reflections

I kept my promise and came back the next day for an eventful afternoon, where two other interns and I washed the children’s hair. Despite this, I still feel a tinge of guilt knowing that at the end of December my internship will expire and I will return to the U.S. regardless of how many cups of chai they serve me or however long little girls hold my hand and cling to the pants of my salwar suit. I justified my emotions and short stay by the fact that I need further education and training to adequately help the poor, and also for my current position where I am supposedly responsible for laying the foundations of a micro-credit organization. along with only one other intern who just graduated as well, with a degree in economics and speaks a little Hindi. We are both learning so much and are eager to take on the responsibilities required, but there is a part of me that so badly wants to help these people, and the realization that my three months will amount to so little, I’m nervous I will let this neighborhood down and have caused more problems by entering their lives in the first place. In the end they will have changed me more than I have helped them, and the most I can really do to say thank you is smile. If nothing more these people have found the soft part of my heart, warmed me with their kindness, tickled me with their enthusiasm and dancing, helped me question my values, cracked my stereotypes, quenched my thirst with chai, and showed me the meaning of hospitality, and for all this and more the least I can do is share my emotions and gratitude with all of you, in hope that we all begin to live life more consciously, wherever we live and in whatever we do.